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Life sucks By : caputa

A cucumber, a pickle, and a penis were sitting around talking about how their lives sucked.

The cucumber says, "Man, my life sucks. When I get big, fat, and juicy, they cut me up and stick me on a salad."

The pickle looks at him and says, "You think you have it bad? When I get big, fat, and juicy, they stick me in vinegar, put spices on me, and stick me in a jar."

The penis looks at him and says, "You think you have it rough? When I get big, fat, and juicy, they stick a rubber tarp on my head, shove me in a dark room, and bang my head against the wall until I throw up and pass out!"

Computer Error Messages By : caputa

Winter Snow By : caputa

One hole Behind By : Caputa

Guy was playing golf one day and he got lost. He saw a lady up ahead of him and went to her and said, 'Can you please help me, I don't know what hole I'm on.'

She told him 'You are one hole behind me. I'm on 7; you're on 6.' He thanked her and continued playing golf.

Later he got lost again. He saw the same lady and went to her again kind of embarrassed. 'I'm sorry to bother you again but I'm lost again, can you please tell me what hole I'm on.'

She told him 'you are one hole behind me. I'm on 14; you are on 13.' Again he thanked her and continued playing golf.

When he finished he saw her in the clubhouse. He went up to her and asked if he could buy her a drink for helping him out. She accepted. As they were drinking and talking he asked her what she did for a living. 'I'm in sales.' she said.

He replied, 'no kidding so am I. What do you sell?'

She said it's too embarrassing to tell. But after he kept pleading to know what she sold and finally, she said she'd tell him if he promised not to laugh. He promised.

She said, 'I sell KOTEX (Sanitary Napkins)'.
He immediately fell to the floor laughing hysterically.
She said, 'You promised you wouldn't laugh'.

He replied (still with tears in his eyes), 'I'm sorry, but I couldn't help it.. I sell toilet paper. I'm still one hole behind you.'

My Own mind By : caputa

In Appreciation of Fine Wine... By : Jake

A man goes to the Lucas Carton in Paris with his girlfriend and orders the 1928 Mouton.

The waiter returns with a bottle full of wine, pours a small amount in the glass for tasting.

The customer picks up the glass, smells the wine, and puts it down on the table with a thud.

'This is not the 1928 Mouton.'

The waiter assures him it is, and soon there is another twenty people surrounding the table including the chef and the manager trying to convince the man that the wine is the 1928 Mouton.

Finally someone asks him how he knows that it is not the 1928 Mouton.

'My name is Phillipe de Rothschild, and I make the wine.'

Finally, the original waiter steps forward and admits that he poured the Clerc Milon 1928.

I could not bear to part with our last bottle of 1928 Mouton. You know Clerc Milon, it is in the same village as Mouton, you pick the grapes at the same time, the same cepage, you crush in the same way, you put them into similar barrels. You bottle at the same time, you even use eggs from the same chickens to fine them. The wines are the same, except for a small matter of geographic location.'

Rothschild beckons the waiter forward, and whispers to him, 'When you return home tonight, ask your girlfriend to remove her underwear. Put one finger in one opening, another finger in the other, then smell both the fingers. You will understand what a small distance in geographic location makes."

Sri Lankan way of doing Business By : Sinhalaya

Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House in D.C. One from Bangladesh, another from Sri Lanka and the third, from China.

They go with a White House officer to examine the fence.

The Bangladeshi contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring,

then works some figures with a pencil. "Well", he says, "I figure the job will run about $900. ($400 for materials, $400 for my team and $100 profit for me)".

The Chinese contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, "I can do this jo for $700. ($300 for materials, $300 for my team and $100 profit for me)".

The Sri Lankan contractor doesn't measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers, "$2,700."

The official, incredulous, says, "You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?"

The Sri Lankan contractor whispers back, "$1000 for me, $1000 for you, and we hire the guy from China to fix the fence."

"Done!" replies the government official.

Very Funny Pepsi Commercial By : Admin

Very Funny Pepsi Commercial By :

A Brief History of Medicine By : caputa

2000 b.c. - Here, eat this root.

1000 a.d. - That root is heathen. Say this prayer.

1850 a.d. - That prayer is pure superstition. Here, drink this potion.

1940 a.d. - That potion is snake oil. Here, swallow this pill.

1985 a.d. - That pill is ineffective. Here, take this antibiotic.

2000 a.d. - That antibiotic doesn't work anymore. Here, eat this root

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